Managing Holiday Stress
“If this is the happiest time of the year, then why do I feel so stressed and anxious?” Tips for coping with symptoms of anxiety over the holidays.
We just celebrated Thanksgiving, a day devoted to gratitude, and we are now rapidly approaching the next set of holidays - Hanukkah, Christmas, New Years. As one popular holiday song puts it, “It’s the most wonderful time of the year.” There are cheerful images of happy children, holiday traditions, and nuclear families everywhere we look. And yet, for many, these cheerful images may stand in sharp contrast to growing sadness, unrest, and anxiety.
Even if you love this time of year, the holidays can be a time of increased stress: visits from family members we don’t often see, greater financial strain, and tighter schedules full of extra holiday engagements. But if you are already struggling with symptoms of anxiety, the holidays can also be painful times when symptoms may increase. Increased worry about finances or upcoming events may lead to increased conflict, may make it harder to focus on work or school, and may even make it harder for you to sleep at night. If you struggle with social anxiety, this time of year can lead to a mixture of feeling even more isolated while also feeling even more anxious about the idea of attending holiday gatherings. These inner conflicts may leave you feeling even more tired and unmotivated, leading to spending even more time alone. Which, paradoxically, leaves you feeling even more sad and anxious as you watch happy images of family gatherings flashing across your screen.
If you have a history of relational trauma or have lost significant loved ones, the holidays may also be a time of remembering how different your own family is or was from the families represented in advertisements and on TV. You may find yourself missing loved ones who have died or who are no longer in your life for other reasons. Or, mourning the childhood or “ideal” family you never had. You may also find that unwanted memories of past traumatic events that happened during the holidays have a way of surfacing, making it hard to stay in the present.
Perhaps the first tip I can give you for managing stress and anxiety this year is to assure you that you aren’t alone. So many clients I have worked with dread this time of year, using words like, “I survived” or “I’d rather not think about it,” when asked about their holidays. When you start to feel like the only one, remind yourself that you are not alone. Many people find the holidays hard. If you have a friend or family member that you know also struggles during this season, it may be helpful to reach out to that person to both offer and receive support. Agree to have each other’s backs and to be each other’s support system this year. Otherwise, you can try looking for support groups for anxiety that may be meeting in your area or try an online forum as a way to meet others who are coping through the holidays.
Next, identify a few activities that you know help you to find peace and that ground you in the present. If possible, choose activities that don’t involve sitting in front of a screen. Favorites from others include art, writing, cooking, baking, gardening, walking, running, meditating, reading, or cuddling with pets. Even if life is a whirlwind right now, find a way to work these into your daily schedule. You don’t have to spend hours doing these activities. But find 15-30 minutes in your day when you can do something that nurtures you and brings you comfort.
And finally, for those moments when you are triggered into high anxiety, find a couple of coping skills that you can use to help yourself manage that anxiety. For some, creating and listening to a playlist of uplifting music can help them to return to calm. For others, returning to the activities above and practicing them for at least 10-15 minutes at the time they are experiencing anxiety will help them reset. Others find a greater benefit from practicing specific therapeutic skills. Two that are often taught in therapy are deep breathing and Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR). If you search for either of these on YouTube, you will find ample videos that will teach you these skills. The more you practice them, the more effective they will be. Begin by practicing each day when you are calm. As you build muscle memory, both of these skills will also become increasingly effective at the times you most need them - when anxiety is high and you need to come back to a calmer state.
For those of you looking for someone to assist you in finding a set of coping skills that will work best for you, do get in touch. It would be a privilege to walk this journey with you.
